maintaining my sanity through words ~ marian16rox

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Off Kilter: Massacres, Injustice & Politics November 26, 2009

Taking Back Democracy

The fact that the board exam for my nursing license (a.k.a the rest of my life) is looming closer is on the back burner yet again. I don’t want to be a nurse forever, but helping people is a beautiful thing and maybe my extremely convoluted plan to end up working for an environmental NGO here or in Chicago will work, so I can juggle nursing AND volunteering… So back to the point, and yes there is a point. At 22, I should know better than to dilly dally with such an event as the board exam, but there’s a good reason behind this distraction.The board exam is three days from now, but I find myself anxious and distraught over an entirely different matter. The recent political killings in my country are too much for me to ignore.

Living in a country where politics go hand-in-hand with skepticism and distrust, I’ve sometimes let my myself go numb with indifference. I don’t deny it – once or twice in my life, I’ve shrugged and thought, “That’s the way it goes here.” Like clockwork though, I would immediately scold myself. How can I be so blase about something so crucial to my beliefs and way of life? I believe in freedom, truth, democracy, free speech, and so on. Politics & governance affect all these.

Politics in my country has always left me yearning for a change. Now, because of what happened in Maguindano, that yearning has morphed into an utmost necessity. It’s been a long time coming, this need for a change. We’ve clamored heartily for it in the past, and even staged revolutions for it, but never in my lifetime has it meant so much for me as it does now.

To hear of such atrocities done stirs a passion in me. I hope that is true with most people, especially young people my age. Political killings have always happened, and most of the time we are helpless to fight it, but now we’ve come to a turning point in which we have this chance to take back our democracy. We live in a world that gives truth to the saying “All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.” If journalists, bearers of the truth & defenders of free speech, can be so easily eliminated, what hope do we have? Well, we have each other for one thing.

Politics in the Philippines is so immensely frustrating and painful, but we can’t let ourselves forget that we are still a democracy of the people, by the people and for the people. We are the movers and shakers, not the politicians. Politicians are in office because we have chosen them not to have power or wealth but to serve the Filipino people. Our government exists because we see fit for it be there.  A government cannot exist without a people to govern. That is why, if we stand strong and demand justice, it will not be denied us.

So with everything that has come to pass, we must not falter . In unison, we must rise up and cry for justice for those who have fallen. No more apathy, no more turning a blind eye. It is the very least we can do so that our Filipino brothers & sisters who have died in the pursuit of equality & whilst upholding democracy will not have died in vain.

 

Playing Favorites | Icons of Stars That Rock November 16, 2009

icons of some of my favorite stars @ the moment.

sebastian stan  |   ian somerhalder   |   blake lively   |   sam worthington    |    matthew fox


currently obsessed with loving  Gossip Girl (although it’s missing an important element – Carter!!)

and  The Vampire Diaries

can’t wait for Lost & Avatar

Please: credit / comment

Don’t:  hotlink / edit / fanpop ;)

THANKS!   (:

sebastian stan [28] – GG, The Covenant, Kings

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ian somerhalder [13] – The Vampire Diaries

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blake lively,  sam worthington,  matthew fox [9]

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One Woman’s Strength & a Nation Forever Changed November 15, 2009

With all the hoopla going on about our presidential elections and the visit of Sec. Clinton, I wanted to revisit my thoughts on our former president, Cory Aquino. She was a heroic and admirable woman, who showed Filipinos the true meaning of strength, love of country and God-fearing values. Even in her last days, Cory Aquino brought Filipinos together, to celebrate & uplift our Motherland and to rally the masses into action. On her deathbed, she still thought of us and still had this magnetism that stirs the consciousness of our minds.

Cory Aquino believed we could truly change our situation and make our country great again. Now, we are in the midst of an impending change, the elections are less than a year away and I am inclined to think that May 2010 is the perfect opportunity for Filipinos to seize the day. We wanted change, here it is. We wanted new leadership, let’s choose a candidate with only the nation’s interest at heart. We demand a better future, then vote for a person who will LEAD with honor and accountability and true democracy in mind, leader who will not only make milestones in his administration but will pave the way for the next generation of leaders to follow in his patriotic steps. I won’t tell people who to vote  for, not yet anyway, but I hope that whoever they choose next year it is an individual very much like this woman, whom I will write about. A mother, a widow, a president, a friend, a spokeswoman, a patriot, a hero. Corazon Aquino are all these and more.

“Remembering Cory”

August 5, 2009

I mourn her passing not only because she gave our nation back its long lost freedom, but also because I have realized that more than an icon for democracy, Pres. Corazon Aquino was a good person. And the passing of a any good spirit from this Earth should be given due respect and grieved.

I am an admirer of the former president, but I am also a realist. I am sure that she had her fair share of mistakes in governing our nation. No one is faultless, even the heroine of Edsa I. But her love for our country and the sacrifices she had made for our people more than made up for whatever her critics come up with. Her sincerity to change this nation and her dedication to the task that the Filipino people thrust upon her that made her a leader of admirable and inspiring quality. Anything they claim will only pale in comparison to the gift she given to us – our democracy.

No Filipino can ever question or must never forget Cory’s actions, her role in our history. In one act of selflessness she showed us her love for the Philippines. She stood by the people in 1986. She chose to accept the hand dealt to her by God. Despite adversity she became more than the widow of Ninoy, she became the face of the Filipino revolution – faithful to God, nationalistic, brave and determined to find justice.

Cory could have declined despite being presented by Don Chino Roces one million signatures urging her to run against Marcos. She could have chosen to leave to protect her children from the possible wrath of the regime. Yet she stayed. She remained by us. Even in the years after her presidency, Cory was still there to fight whatever new foe came to threaten our democracy, our people. She is a shining beacon of inspiration. Advocating for the greater good, she made us want to be better Filipinos. She never lost faith in us or in God’s plan for this nation.

We lost a great hero last August 1, 2009, but we cannot lose the legacy she gave us. We cannot forget what one woman and the Filipinos who suffered at the hands of martial law had to go through to take back our nation. We must remember what those at Edsa, and the millions of others around the country rallied for. We have to keep fighting, because Cory believed that we can overcome anything. In her own words, she believed in the “inexhaustible giftedness of the Filipino people.” That alone is enough to remind me not to lose hope for the Philippines.

 

Serena & Carter Icons November 13, 2009

Some Gossip Girl icons I’ve made.

Basically it’s Serena/Carter. lol. The others are in a previous post.

please credit.

NO hotlinking, edits, or Fanpop!

Thanks. (:

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Fated: Romantic Movie Couples November 9, 2009

Fated: Romantic Movie Couples (Pictures of You)


Some of favorite movie couples ever… This is an old video I made way before I discovered the brilliant Sony Vegas. lol. I remembered this because I watched several mushy flicks lately and a few romantic comedies. I kept comparing the couples in those flicks with the ones I’ve considered in my all-time top 20 (this is the first eight of my 20 in no particular order, the second file/vid got lost when my pc crashed during editing). So far my 20 is still intact.

 

125 Crazy Things – Revisited and Done Again November 9, 2009

I took this little test a while ago, so I’ve done some updating on the answers. Well, no, it’s actually a checklist. It had 125 “crazy” things on it & I had to check off things I’ve done before. I decided to take it – not just to see how insane or goofy I really am,  but to find out if I die tomorrow will I have some great stories to tell people on the other side. Did I live life to absolute fullest? Did I have enough absurd & delusional moments to call my life great? I guess it was a bit like a test, a test to see if you’ve really lived.

Some of the items threw me. And it wasn’t the items that were actually worthy to be deemed CRAZY that got my attention. It was items like  “watched the sun set with someone you care about” or “stayed up all night”. These aren’t crazy things! They’re great (I almost want to say  pretty rational & normal) things that SHOULD be a part of our
lifestory. I mean, if those are things that you call crazy, then I think you made need to reevaluate what’s important in life. Life is messy. Crazy. A little off kilter. That’s what makes it life.

So I ticked off the items that I’ve done… By the end of it, I realized that my life isn’t so mediocre. If I die tomorrow, I can say, “I had a good run. It was fun. Hopefully, I’ll get into heaven.” (LMAO) But in the grand scheme of things, I want to be able to say that “I had an AWESOME run.” I want to be gray and old and pretty much tantalizing in my grandkids’s eyes (assuming I’ll even have children. lol).

This random little checklist sent to me by a friend woke me up. I’m too young to be serious & have a picture-perfect-there’s-no-way-I’m-deviating-from-this plan for life. Sometimes you gotta wing it and if something great comes along, grab it and hold on for the ride.  I’m too damn young to sink into mediocrity. I’m fighting it. It’s not to say I’m not satisfied with a normal life, I’m just saying that we have to keep striving for it to be spectacular. Striving well but not to the point that it’s tiring, of course. Just enough that the struggle is memorable, colorful, engaging, fun, thought-provoking or worthy.

Life can be awesome if we let it take us on an adventure once in a while (everyday, if you’re that lucky). It’s okay to do crazy things – if it makes us happy, if it colors the canvas, if rids us of regrets, if it helps another person, if it gives us great stories to tell our grandkids, if it saves the planet, if  makes us laugh (truly laugh like back when we were young, and totally content with little things), if it lets us reach the stars & makes dreams come true.

Sure, sanity is great, but can’t we rock the boat every few days? Can’t we go a little nuts for the benefit of that kid, that dreamer, that visionary that’s inside of us? People are so intent on conforming to the norm and scrambling for stability, that they forget that if it weren’t for people trying out crazy things, we wouldn’t have great inventions & magnificent works of art, literature & film. A little insanity isn’t gonna kill us. And if it does, well hey you were
headed there anyway. LOL.

It’s not the destination that matters after all. Hello! The destination is a cemetery somewhere. Like I said, that’s where we’re all heading to – death. What matters is the journey, the ride; getting there is the fun part. To quote Jack London: “I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry rot. I would rather be a superb  meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent plant. The proper function of man is to live, not to exist.”


Right on, Jack! We should go freakin’ crazy… I’ve done 85 out of the125 crazy things. An improvement from my previous 79, for sure, but not by much. It’ll be fun to make a list of my own. This reminds me of my “bucket list” which I made 7 years ago (waaaay before that movie was ever mad). I’ll definitely be crossing out and ticking off more items on that list. Life’s what you make it after all. Now I’m going for 90!

 

It Rains on My Weekends // Gloomy Episodes Forgiven [Poems for the Messed Up] November 5, 2009

Filed under: Musings & Random Thoughts — marian16rox @ 10:55 am
Tags: , , , ,

It Rains on My Weekends

It’s raining. Again. And again.

It pours on the very day I find my sanity.

A pending reminder: my days are meant to be cursed and resented.

Nothing could make these stormy days any worse except a dose of you.

I’ve had my share of muddy shoes, brokedown cars and rusty playgrounds.

So now choose this day to disappear. I look down and see nothing is clear.

I hold the pictures to my life. The faces out of focus, taken by shaky hands.

In my snapshots, the images are blotty. Too many days spent, standing lost under storm clouds.

The pages are soaking wet. I can see through everything.

I know the ending and nothing could be more fucked up.

Melancholic wishes that bring no promises of happily ever afters.

Reels and reels of film disposed.

Each a tragic attempt at telling a story of a girl who lived and dreamed. And died in a nightmare.

All the films, shot and watched, hold nothing but grains that slipped through the fingers of a foolish soul who wished.

My sad existence is what it is.

A series of dreary days demanding outbursts of effort and hope.

I wake to a day filled with so many possibilities yet all I want is to curl up and fade away.

Nothing could be worse. Just don’t come around, and nothing could be worse.


Gloomy Episodes Forgiven

Doesn’t it seem that I’m different?


The mood swings come more often and
take even me by surprise. If only things were squeaky clean and
brimming with bright yellow sunshine. I can’t promise happy smiles for
those all around me, or a cheery face during conversations. Or even a
glimpse at optimism… Not when I don’t want to. Not when I can’t. I
wish for  these things in instances when doubt fogs my vision and
insecurity cripples me, head to toe. I wish for all-knowing confidence,
a self so willing to trust and fall into an abyss of unknown
possibilities. Unafraid. Yet I find myself gripping at the edge,
groping for a firm hold so I won’t have to slip into this questionable
hole below. There’s sure fire happiness above me, but there could
even be more greater things below. I’ve slipped into the unknown
before, coming out unscathed. Other times, I wasn’t so lucky. I carry
the bruises and scars around in an invisible backpack. Sometimes life’s
good and I can be my bubbly self again. Then something crashes into me
and leaves a scene of devastation. Life’s too screwed up for me to let
go of the edge so easily.

So for now the gloom  works.
Forgive the pessimism, the cynicism, the rage & the depression. I
assure you, you’ll understand when you get a rotten hand of cards in
the poker game of life. Everything’s off center and messed up… to the point that I get angry
& bitchy. I just wanna be separated from everything else so I can
think clearly and be brutally honest with myself.

Now let’s close the curtains on this freak show. – END

 

Fighting for Something November 5, 2009

I went to  Montreal for the UN Climate Change Conference. It was amazing. Two weeks I swore I’d never forget and will always remember…

It was empowering. Right in the eye of negotiations that hold the world’s future in the balance. It seemed as if all it would take is one single action, and that would change the world. The spine-tingling, hair-raising feeling you get when you realize history is being made and you’re there, in the fucking center of its chaotic process, with a thousand others that have bled, cried, worked – no, slaved – to make sure that this planet of ours does not get devoured by mankind…. Shit, it was awesome. Inspiring. Hundreds of points of view, thousands of lives working in one direction, a millions  ideas, and infinite possibilities – if that isn’t enough to make your head visit Pluto for a bit I don’t know what is….

Everything about it made me emotional. No one emotion stands out. They’re all bound together now. Like the bond between thousands of strangers all wanting the same thing – for Mother Earth to survive, for the next generation to inherit a living world, for another chance at making things right… Aww fuck it. I’m rambling like some nut, but I can’t help it. There’s no explaining the rush you get. I was there, man! haha.

You feed off people’s energy and their dedication. Being with people who feel the same way you do. People who get what you’ve been trying to get through for a long time. I admire all those environmentalists there, who put their asses on the line to be the planet’s voice…. Getting a chance to speak your mind, to be heard, to act on your impulses and emotions… Watching, meeting and being with people who were so passionate about something… Having every thought, feeling and idea bubble up on the surface… life-changing stuff.

You never had to hide who you were because everything was so open. You never had to back down, because the whole thing was a free-for-all – everyone gets their chance to bitch. You never had to worry about pissing people off, you’re there to say what needs to be said. I want my whole life to be like those 2 weeks in Montreal. Forget politics. Screw the corporations. Sweat dedication. Bleed passion. Save the damn planet!

 

College Life in Free Verse November 5, 2009

Filed under: Musings & Random Thoughts — marian16rox @ 10:47 am
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

College Life

the majority of classes are boring or maybe just overwhelming

fight the urge to skip class

failing to resist skipping class

talking & laughing while the teacher rambles on has become a habit

passing notes happens a lot

all those tedious hours of lectures have helped hone my drawing skills

quick/stolen glances at our cellphones

checking for messages & the occasional inspiration

endlessly vowing that next time “i’m really gonna copy notes”.

doodling has become a force of nature

Sleeping (in class) is the new trend

try not to snore or drool, lest you become flavor of the week

eyes lock across the room…happiness

pokes & jokes are exchanged amidst the steady hum of boredom

punchlines pierce the silence

giggles & snorts suppressed

that is until the teacher smiles along

hell yeah it can get boring for them, too

Unrelated/irrelevant/ridiculous comments are appreciated, but they will be mocked
bits of paper will be thrown occasionally

and once in a while you get a good one

then we are motivated
desire to learn, curiosity-driven attention, funny/interesting professors… alleluia!

here comes the sun

finally the reason for this higher education

at last the enlightenment that’ll make us see stars & togas

a bell rings, saying either of two things

“welcome back to dullsville, drone”

Or “next class, new adventures”

Then in smack dab in the hearty midst

here now is a little intermission

Hell yeah! It has arrived – - -recess, timeout, a breather, interruption, vacation

call it what you want

I’ll name it salvation

yes. even in college, it’s the breaks that are most enthralling.

 

Icons & Avatars November 2, 2009

Some Gossip Girl icons I’ve made.

Pairings: Serena/Carter, Chuck/Blair

If you’re gonna snag one, please credit!

NO hotlinking/editing/fanpop. Thanks! :) )

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